Here goes nothing...

I honestly never thought I would be doing one of these "blog" things. Something lit up in me as I was sitting on the toilet (yes, I am guilty of poop n surfing) listening to music and on facebook making a status. Now I wish I could say I was taking a nice mighty poo, but I wasn't I don't even think I pissed either, I just sat there as words spilled outta me. I don't even update my status much either, so wtf. I guess that's how my first post came to be..

Something Suspicious

Once again.. I was shot at in a dream. As I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I feel hot.. hot where I was hit. First one was through my back on my lower right side.. and another a bit higher to my left. I said.. omg.. i’m hit.. Jannette I’m hit as she drove as fast as she could from a man in a ranger uniform who was still shooting at us. I couldn’t hear anything.. just I saw the window shatter.. and I more felt the loudness. It felt so real. I didn’t know if she had been hit too.. or if I was gonna hit again.. but I woke up with this intense heat in my body that was making me sweat. The dream didn’t start out this way.. they never do. We were hanging out with some people.. I’m sure I knew one of them long ago.. but we were just chilling teaching each other about our languages. Some how we ended up taking some food with us to someone. I’m not sure who were taking it to but it was dark.. and far. She was messing with me.. opening the side door of her van while on the road (that’s not even possible!).. and she was laughing.. and stopped.. but we reached what looked like a round about that looks and felt suspicious. She drove in slowly.. and something just wasn’t right.. it was off.. then noticed a man in a ranger uniform with one of those ranger hats.. and he had a gun in his hand. She said.. this isn’t right.. I think we stumbled on to something bad.. he’s coming towards us. She swerved as he came closer and raised his gun at us.. we went into a ditch and almost got stuck.. I sank into myself.. and she managed to get out of the ditch and that’s when I was hit.. the heat radiated from where I was shot each time.. it was at my back. I wake up panicked.. still feeling the heat in those places. I haven’t had a dream this intense in a while, because I haven’t allowed myself to have one. My sleeping has been off. Looks like I’m gonna be up for a while more… 

"Daddys little girl ain’t a girl no more." 
Favorite Nirvana song… ever. It’s like it was meant for me. lol 


The dream started out with a baby pink elephant. How something so innocent can turn into something so violent is beyond me. At this point I can’t remember all the details.. but I’m still in tears from the fear that I do remember. The lay out of the place was from my childhood, a 2 story apartment.. my room was the only one downstairs. In this particular dream it didn’t look like my old room and it wasn’t mine (it was my aunt’s room). I had been upstairs with her watching tv when the news alerts us that there’s a dangerous man on the run and for some reason I kept seeing orange. He was wearing an orange shirt that was poking out from the bottom of his jacket. There was something so familiar about him. Things get a little confusing for me here.. but he some how comes inside with an obvious intention to hurt us, but it’s like we know him because he doesn’t he just talks to us. Feels like my aunt had convinced him not to harm us or something.. but I was on edge.. next thing i know her boyfriend comes home and we’re upstairs and his shirt isn’t orange anymore.. it’s blue and he was telling us how his nickname is spiderman. Her boyfriend then escorts him downstairs. My aunt told me I looked like crap so I should put make up on.. he still downstairs from what I could hear.. so I lingered back trying to be unseen.. and he was out the door and gone. I walked into the downstairs room.. and my cousin was sleeping in a corner. I began to look for my make up bag.. and next thing I know he’s standing in the room.. with a knife pointed at me.. and a rag with chloroform on it and he’s trying to put it on my face all while stabbing at me in the air. Some random woman comes in which startles him cause he takes a swing at her. I don’t know who she was.. but she too seemed familiar. Just as soon as she was there.. she was gone.. but that distracted him enough for me to knock the knife out of his hands. I kept screaming for help from my aunt and her bf but they never came. I just kept holding the knife toward him while kept trying to turn it on me.. and I remember that my screams felt like they were all in my head but at the same time i could feel them in my throat. He had managed to stab me in the stomach, but I too got him there. I was still screaming for help when I woke up already in tears. Still in tears.The events that lead up to the attack were fuzzy.. but I can remember the attack so vividly.

One good thing about this blog that I sometimes forget I have, and I’m glad when I don’t have to think about it. Once I type it out on here.. I don’t have to think about it anymore.. I can go back on past dreams.. and it’s crazy to think that I typed that out because of a dream that I had. Why is it that I usually only ever remember the bad ones in such detail, but I can almost never remember the good ones? 

It’s only a dream.. it’s only a dream. 


I can’t remember the last time i had a nightmare, but I just woke up in tears. It felt so real. Even though it’s starting to escape me now.. the feeling.. the fear and sadness won’t leave me for a while.. I’m sure of it. 

The beginning is fuzzy as always. Somehow I was in the back of a military truck with family and friends. There was three of them trucks and guns lots of guns. All through the while I was having flashbacks of happier times.I saw my sisters and my brother, my mother and my father all smiling. Somehow my brother was in the truck and a few small children. We were laying down going through check points. I recognized some of the people as friends that I went to school with. I overheard that we were being under attack and there was an infiltration within our people. It didn’t look like were home…I didn’t know this land. All of a sudden the children kept moving around and looking out the truck. They told us that they needed to stop or look like a threat, but it was too late. We got shot at. I could see the bullets as if there were in slow motion, neon orange laser looking dashes. I knew it was a matter of time before one of those hit someone in this truck if not everyone. I could hear screams outside and sounds of war. I saw my brother get shot in the head several times.. and a few other people.. finally it I got hit in the stomach. I felt this hot sensation travel throughout my body. This isn’t real this isn’t real.. this isn’t real.. I kept saying.. but it felt so real. Somehow I’m able to see into one of the other trucks.. and I see someone in the front start shooting people.. I felt like I knew him.. but I can’t put my finger on who he was. I knew him long ago.. and I no longer did. I kept thinking.. where is everyone.. all those check points with friends and family we had just recently passed. Gone. They must all be gone. Some people tried to run away from the trucks, but they kept getting picked off. It was clear to see that no one would survive, no one would escape. I woke up trying to breathe normally.. as I laid there it took me a few seconds to realize what had happened. It was only a dream..